


Don't Throw Stones At Me

by Sashataakheru



Category: Summer Heights High
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Community: fandomsecrets, Community: queer_fest, F/F, Kissing, Transgender, anons made me do it, f!s panfandom rec meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-09
Updated: 2011-05-09
Packaged: 2017-10-19 04:37:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ja'ime has tried to come out in the past, but when she moves to Summer Heights High for the term, she decides not to tell the girls she befriends. In courting Tamsin for the ball, she discovers Tamsin is the only one who cares enough to listen.</p><p>Based off a queer_fest prompt I submitted (but didn't claim).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Throw Stones At Me

Ja'mie had always had an indifferent relationship to secrets. They weren't always important to keep, not if she could manipulate some benefit out of them. The only secret she had she never told anyone about, not even her friends at Hillford. They'd never understand. She had tried, though. God knows she'd tried, just so she wouldn't have to worry about them finding out and excluding her, but she'd never found the right moment. To be fair to her friends, though, they didn't mind her being bisexual, but then everyone was, weren't they?

She had money anyway. At least, her mother did. It was the only reason no one knew. She'd told her mother she was a girl when she was 5, and her mother had not only believed her, but had let her be a girl. Ja'mie had never really asked why; as long as she was able to live as a girl, she didn't mind. They'd moved anyway, after she began transitioning, and no one had ever known she was anything other than a boy. Her mother could get her the best of everything, and her growing body was almost perfect. She didn't even have her boy bits anymore. She'd only managed to get away with that because girls use cubicles and no one had to see them.

In spite of her confidence, she was a little apprehensive about beginning at Summer Heights High. For one, it was a povo public school. For another, no way was she ever telling any of those bitches she used to be a boy. They'd never understand, and she didn't want her term there to be filled with humiliation. She would find it hard enough to adjust as it was without that to deal with.

But then Tamsin had come along. While Ja'mie had managed to convince them asking her to the ball would be hot, she hadn't mentioned the crush she'd somehow developed on her in the process. So when she did say she'd come with her to the year 11 formal, Ja'mie was just a little bit excited.

They didn't spend a lot of time together at first, and Ja'mie bravely brushed off her offer to talk, but one night, she did find herself sending her a message, asking her if she'd come over because she wanted to talk. Tamsin almost said no, because it was getting late, but Ja'mie promised she could stay over and they'd take her to school the next day. Promising to be over as soon as she could, she said her brother would drop her off, Ja'mie hoped she hadn't made a stupid decision.

They sat on her bed awkwardly. Now that she was actually there, Ja'mie wasn't so sure she wanted to talk. Ja'mie broke the silence.

"So. Like. You always knew, did you? That you were a lesbian?"

"Yeah. It took a while to accept it, but it's okay now. My parents are cool with it. What about you? You said you'd always known?" Tamsin said.

"Uh, yeah. From, like, when I was a little girl, yeah. You're not going to tell anyone, are you? I mean, they think I'm just faking it, but I'm not. They wouldn't understand," Ja'mie said, testing the waters.

Tamsin looked at her. "Why would I tell anyone? You should come out in your own time. Do any of your Hillford friends know? It'd be hard to be gay there, wouldn't it?"

"Oh, it's fine, they don't mind. They think it's hot anyway. But there was this fugly girl who came out last year and she got heaps teased about it. Like, they vandalised her locker and she got bashed once." Ja'mie shook her hair out of her eyes as a distraction. She hadn't mentioned to anyone how badly she'd felt for that girl. She also had no idea how to bring up the other part of her identity. "So, um."

Tamsin picked up on her hesitation. "Is there anything you wanted to talk about? They haven't been teasing you, have they?"

Ja'mie tucked her hair behind her ear. She hadn't really looked at Tamsin since they'd started talking. "Oh, no. It's not that, it's just- no, don't worry, you wouldn't understand. I don't think anyone would. I-"

Tamsin touched her arm gently. "What's wrong? Don't you have anyone you can talk to about being gay? It's okay, I said I'd listen and I will. You can talk to me about anything."

Ja'mie brushed her off, unsure why she was bothering. "Nothing's wrong. I don't know why you'd care. No one else does. They all think I'm doing it because it's popular, but they'd never believe it's real. And I'm bisexual, not gay, but no one cares about that either. No one cares, so why should I bother?"

Ja'mie hadn't intended to cry, but she couldn't help it. Tamsin brought an arm around her shoulder, but said nothing else. There was something weird about the way she was just being there for her that she'd never really experienced before. Tamsin pressed a kiss to her head and took her hand gently.

"It's okay, Ja'mie. I'm here. I'll listen, if you really want me to. Everyone needs someone to talk to, even you. I'm sure there's more to you than most people realise."

Her voice was comforting, though. Tamsin just kept talking to her, and as much as Ja'mie wanted to cry and yell and make her go away, Tamsin really did seem to care about her. Ja'mie let her bring her into a hug and she hugged her back. None of her friends had ever cared this much, not even her Hillford friends. She wasn't sure what to do apart from tell her everything she'd always wanted to tell her friends but had never had the courage to admit.

"I tried to tell them before, but they'd never believe me. They'd just tease me like they teased that girl. I'd have to leave again and I don't want to leave. I really do like it at Hillford, I really do, but they'd never understand, they never would, and I just can't tell them because they never listen to me. Cos, like, I used to be a boy, like when I was really little, but my mum let me be a girl since I was 5. No one knows. I transitioned early, and mum could get me everything I needed. You'd never know the difference now, I'm sure of it, so I hide instead and pretend I was always born this way, even though no one knows."

Tamsin didn't seem to mind at all. She held her close and stroked her hair, whispering words of understanding to her.

"You don't think I'm a freak? You do believe me, don't you? Please don't tell anyone. I don't want them to know. They'd shun me, I know they would," Ja'mie said.

"Of course not. You're lucky. Not everyone gets to transition like you. I think you're beautiful, even if you can be a bitch," Tamsin said.

"Of course I'm beautiful," Ja'mie retorted, but her heart wasn't in it.

Ja'mie didn't even mind being called a bitch. She knew she was lucky. She'd heard enough stories about other trans kids during therapy that had made her very thankful for the money she had. But she had never had anyone her age to talk to anyway, so she'd hidden it all away inside and tried to be the most feminine girl she could be to make up for any failings they might find. And sure, if they called her a bitch, well, that didn't matter to her. She had money anyway, and she was smart and talented and she was beautiful. She had everything going for her now, and too much to lose.

Tamsin met her gaze then, lifting her chin up a little. She dried her eyes, and it made Ja'mie want to cry again. Before she could speak, Tamsin kissed her, gently, reassuring her everything was alright. Ja'mie had never actually kissed a girl before, but Tamsin was hot, after all, so she went with it.

They kissed again, and Ja'mie felt a little more adventurous. She touched Tamsin's arm, slipping her hand down to her hip. The part of her that would've acted horrified at the thought of a girl touching her was thankfully silent as Tamsin's hands began feeling their way around her body.

Ja'mie wanted to prove she knew what she was doing. She might've been lucky, but Tamsin had one thing she didn't have. If there was one thing she hated about Tamsin it was her confidence. She didn't mind being out at school. Ja'mie was sure she'd never be that brave.

"Why would you even want to-"

Tamsin shushed her. "Shut up, Ja'mie. You're hot. I want you."

Tamsin pulled her close again and they lay down together. Tamsin kissed her, and Ja'mie wished she could stay like this forever, with someone who bothered to give her the time of day for once.


End file.
